Table Manners: The Hidden History Behind Everyday Etiquette
Ever wondered why some rules at the table feel oddly specific, like not putting your elbows down or keeping your hands visible? These customs aren’t just arbitrary, they’re the kind of rules that sound weird until you realize who came up with them… and why.
Why “No Elbows on the Table” Is Still a Thing
The rule about keeping elbows off the table actually dates back to medieval Europe. Back then, people dined on trestle tables - simple wooden planks placed over benches or supports. These tables weren’t very stable, so leaning your elbows on them could literally tip the whole thing over, sending food flying. Not exactly the height of etiquette.
Even though our tables are sturdier today, the rule has stuck around because it’s still seen as a matter of good manners and posture. That said, different cultures have different views on what’s polite at the table.
In the U.S. and the U.K., it’s common to rest your hands in your lap when you’re not eating. But in France, visible hands are preferred, typically with wrists or forearms resting lightly on the table’s edge (but still no elbows!). This custom dates back to the Middle Ages, when keeping your hands in sight was a sign of honesty and trust — a way to show you weren’t hiding a weapon.
Today, it’s more about staying engaged in the conversation and showing openness during the meal. The etiquette may have evolved, but the idea of creating a comfortable, respectful table remained the same.
Table Manners Myths & Realities
The Cutlery Code: What’s Real and What’s Just Instagram?
You’ve probably seen those viral infographics claiming your cutlery placement sends a hidden message to the server — “I’m finished,” “I didn’t like it,” or even “Excellent meal.” While they make for a fun scroll, most of these so-called codes are more social media myth.
Here’s what really counts:
In the U.S., place your fork and knife parallel and vertical (||) when you’re finished, and crossed when resting.
In France, you’ll often see the fork and knife placed diagonally (\\) on the plate when done.
Forget the over-complicated codes, proper etiquette is much more straightforward than Instagram suggests.
Sending Back Wine: Not Just Because You Don’t Like It
You can’t send wine back in a restaurant simply because you don’t like it. The only valid reason? A fault in the wine — usually that it’s corked. And you'll often catch that before you even sip, just by the smell when you bring the glass to your nose.
Sending it back in that case is not just allowed; it's expected. But simply disliking the taste isn’t enough. This tradition stems from old wine etiquette in French and Italian culture where wine was a centerpiece of hospitality—you never wanted to offend the host or doubt their choice unless something was truly wrong.
Why Etiquette Still Matters
Etiquette isn’t about being fancy — it’s just about not being a jerk. Whether you’re at a backyard BBQ or a black-tie dinner, a little politeness goes a long way. Everyone uses some form of it, even if it’s just not double-dipping the guac. It’s the unspoken code that keeps things from getting awkward.